Wasn’t Shel Silverstein great? I’ve read “Where The Sidewalk Ends” about 1,000 times. I read it to my kids. I fondly remember it from being a kid.

I think this site may be destroying my childhood, though. Have food manufacturers always deceived us? Did they ever put real ingredients into their food stuffs? Argh.

Maybe I’m alone in this, but Vlasic refrigerated pickles have always been the standard upon which I held all other pickles. They’re crisp, tangy, and delicious. My cousins from Texas would disagree. They have a magnificent tasting pickle that gets distributed under the name “Del Dixi”, and while they’re not crisp like the venerable Vlasic, they pack a fantastic dill taste that is incomparable to anything else. Here in California, I don’t have access to those Del Dixi’s. But my best guess is that they, like the Vlasic, don’t have real food ingredients inside.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Screw you, Vlasic. May the bites of a thousand wasps torture you for the rest of your days. You see, you told me these pickles were better than the other ones. Your marketing department made me think that Vlasic was better because they were cold. And delicious. So I trusted you. And when I bought your unrefrigerated dill relish some months back, I didn’t even think to check the ingredients. Yes, that’s before this site existed.

Imagine my dismay to turn around the little jar sitting in my fridge. The happy little guy with a blue label and dark writing. The darkness of the writing, in retrospect, foreshadowed the unhappy moment I witnessed when I read the ingredients. Xantham gum? Natural flavors? Artificial colors? This is not the Vlasic I remember as a youth.

READ ABOUT  An open letter

Oh yeah—not a bit of dill.

I made a dill pickle relish the next day. It’s got dill in it. I used some turmeric for color. I even found a naturally fermented one without any vinegar. So I’m done with you, my dear Vlasic.

PS. My dill relish tastes darned good, too.

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